December 23, 1960
(Mother arrives from a meditation with X, the tantric guru)
I come empty-handed...
(Mother remains absorbed for a long time)
I sat down shortly before ten o'clock for meditation. I was in my normal state and I was interested to see if there would be any difference from earlier times. And really, at first there was no difference at all. Then slowly, slowly, I felt this type of smiling and serene peace that I live in entering into the body. The cells are still not always conscious of it (sometimes they feel a sort of... tension of life – I don't know what to call it). They're conscious of their existence and of what it means and of the Energy that is acting (yes, conscious of the Action and the Energy that acts), but during the meditation THAT descended and there was an extraordinary relaxation. Not the relaxation that comes with surrender,1 which I normally feel before sleeping, but the relaxation that comes from a kind of serene, immutable and eternal joy. At that moment the body felt it could remain like that forever! “Oh, how nice I feel!...” it said. And as a matter of fact, I'm not sure but I think he felt the meditation was over, whereas I was still... I felt him stirring, so I stopped.
There was a marked difference.
For when something isn't right, a pressure always comes down on the body from above, the pressure of the descending Force. But in this case it wasn't that at all; rather, it was like this (Mother holds her palms upwards in an attitude of total surrender), but beatific in that it lives in itself, it is existence in itself – and that's all.
I came here in that state directly after the meditation, and when I sat down... You see, I didn't even have the... (naturally there is no question of “idea”) I don't know, not even the instinct to pick up a flower for you, you understand? And when I sat down here, the consciousness of the column of Light started coming. There was no more personality, no more individuality: there was only a column of Light descending right into the very cells of the body – and that's all.
Then it gradually became conscious of itself, conscious of BEING this column of Light. And then the ordinary consciousness slowly returned.
It's interesting for me to come here soon after the meditation, for it's as if I were objectivizing my experience. Otherwise I'd be within, like that (gesture), and there's no longer any... (you see, I say “I” – but at that moment it doesn't exist!) and even THE BODY feels this way, a kind of immutable and beatific eternity, and that's all.
I tell you, not even... When I arrived, I said to you, “My hands are empty”; merely the contact with your atmosphere made me say it. But otherwise the “my,” the “hands” – none of it had any meaning.
1 Original English.