November 5, 1960
These things from the past... it's rather odd – now, once they come and I've spoken of them, they get erased. As if they were returning one last time to say goodbye before going for good.
All these “memories” (actually they're rather pictures) seem to be coming forward to show themselves with all the knowledge, truth and HELP they represent; they come to say, “There! You see, this is the origin of that” – a whole curve. Then once I've seen it, it's gone.
One day, as an experiment, I tried to remember something from the past, for I was interested in what it contained; I tried – impossible! It had been cleaned out, it was gone. So I understood that these things come, they show themselves (you have to be ATTENTIVE and know what purpose they have served) and then they go away.
I have so totally forgotten a whole world of incidents and events that when someone reminds me of something (the people around me have lived with me, so they've seen things and remember them), I get the feeling that they are speaking of someone or something else – it no longer has any connection with me at all. And it's the same with everything, whether near or far, which has brought to my consciousness whatever it had to bring, lost its utility and – disappeared. Only, these memories probably still have some utility for the others, so they remain. But for me it's completely erased, absolutely, as if it had never been.
It's the only way to forget.
People often try to forget the past, but it doesn't work. Only once it has brought all the lessons that it was meant to bring into your life (it's decanted, so you see the thing in its deepest truth), is its utility finished, and it disappears.
I am convinced that at heart Karma is simply all the things we haven't used in the true way that we drag along behind us... If totally and clearly we have learned the lesson which each event or each circumstance ought to have brought, then it's finished, its utility is gone and it dissolves.
It's an interesting experience to follow and observe.
I went down into a place... a place simply in the human consciousness, thus necessarily in my body... I have never seen anything more timorous, fearful, feeble and mean! It's... it must be a part of the cells, part of the consciousness, something that lives in apprehension, fear, dread, anxiety... It was truly, truly dreadful.
And we carry that within us! We aren't aware of it, it's almost subconscious – for you see, the consciousness is there to prevent us from yielding to that – it's cowardly, and it can make you fall sick IN A MINUTE. I saw it, I saw things that had been cured and overcome in myself (cured in the true manner, not in an outer way), and then they return! It's cured, but then it begins again.
So then I went in search of its origin. It's something in the subconscient – in the cells' subconscient. Its roots are there, and on the least occasion... And it's so very, very ingrained that... For example, you can be feeling very good, the body can be perfectly harmonious (and when the body is perfectly harmonious, its motions are harmonious, things are in their true places, everything works exactly as it should without needing the least attention – a general harmony), when suddenly the clock strikes, for example, or someone utters a word, and you have just the faint impression, “Oh, it's late, I'm not going to be on time” – a second, a split second, and... the whole working of the body falls apart. You suddenly feel feeble, drained, uneasy. And you have to intervene. It's terrible. And we're at the mercy of such things!
To change it, you have to descend into it – which is what I'm in the midst of doing. But you know, it makes for painful moments. Anyway, once it's done, it will be something. When that is done, I'll explain it to you. And then I'll have the power to restore you to health.