June 3, 1960
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry, June 3, 1960
I'm a bit discouraged. Every night I slip into a black abyss from which I wake up in the morning drained. Not one second of conscious sleep. It takes me an hour to recuperate from my “sleep”. In fact, I am constantly “on edge” and the least thing exhausts my body.
But that's nothing. I would bear all the exhaustion quite willingly if there were at least a touch of something conscious. But nothing, as if I were as thick as a Paris concierge!
Mother, there is hardly an instant of my conscious life that I am not aspiring for “more consciousness” – but there's still this abyss I slip into at night, as if nothing existed!
Pardon my grumblings. If only at least I knew what I could do to change all this.
My dear child,
The best rest is to enter into the inner silence for a few moments.