April 20, 1960
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Rameswaram, April 20, 1960
I was pained and shocked upon reaching X's place to see him in such a horrible house – a train station in miniature (and not as nice) with little pastries in garish yellow cement. Cement everywhere – they even cemented the patio and uprooted the beautiful tree that was there. O Mother, it's vandalism, it's barbaric! You cannot imagine! Really, M has committed a terrible sin.
To compensate for that, however, I had the joy of finding your two letters. Yes, for some time I have been feeling your physical Presence more clearly. But then, why am I so blocked, where is the flaw? It constantly feels as though I am living at the outskirts of myself, or more precisely in a miniscule region of myself, and I'm unable to be conscious of the rest – a perpetual amnesic. It is unpleasant and quite stupid. What is it that will explode this shell?
I am anxious to return to you.
Your child, full of gratitude and love.