November 20, 1958
(Mother tries to find the origin of the disciple's difficulties)
I don't have all the information, otherwise certainly... Two things made me see... I saw them the other day. First of all, when you didn't understand my letter, for I wrote it to a part of you that without any doubt should have understood; I was referring to something other than what is seen and known by this part of you which is... this center, this knot of revolt that seems to resist everything, that really remains knotted, in spite of your experiences and the strides you have made, as well as your openings. And what made me see is especially the fact that it resists experiences, it is not touched by experiences; this was the point that did not understand what I wrote. Because the part of you that had the experience must necessarily understand what I wrote, without the shadow of a doubt.
Time is needed...
I had two visions which are certainly related to this. The most recent one was yesterday, and it concerned a past life in India. It is something that took place in India about one thousand years ago, perhaps a little more (I am not yet sure about this). And it contains both things. It's strange, both things together – the origin of the power of realization in this life and the obstacle to be conquered.
I had the last vision yesterday evening. You were much taller than you are now; you were wearing the orange robe, and you were backed up against a door of bronze, a bronze door like the door of a temple or a palace... but at the same time it was symbolic (it was a fact, it actually took place like this, but at the same time it was symbolic). And... unfortunately, it didn't last because I was disturbed. But it contained the key.
I was VERY HAPPY with the vision, for there was a great POWER, though it was rather... terrible. But it was magnificent. When I saw that, I... This vision was given to me because I had concentrated with a will to find the solution, a true solution, an enduring and permanent solution – that is, I had this spontaneous gratitude which goes out to the Grace when it brings some effective help. Only, what followed was interrupted by someone who came to call me and that cut it short, but it will return.
But now I KNOW – before I did not know. The other morning I saw, and I was told very clearly that it was a karma1 to be worked out; so then I told you, but at the time I didn't know what it was.
And I saw that with the new Power, the supramental power... That is something absolutely new... It used to be thought that nothing had the power to eliminate the consequences of karma and that only by exhausting it through a series of actions could its consequences be transformed... exhausted, eliminated. But I KNOW that with the supramental power it can be done without following all the steps of the process.
In any event, one point is clear: it is something that happened in India, and the origin of the karma and the remedy of the karma go together. And it has to do with this initiation you received in Rameswaram.2
So the difficulty and the victory go together. It's very interesting.
But what had I done in that life?... What did I do? WHAT?!?
Yes, that's the point. I think I know, but I don't want to say anything without being sure.
It is good that it comes in stages.
What is needed – what is needed is simply endurance, the capacity to hold on, which means to stay still within. Not to yield to... not to yield when you feel within yourself, “I can't bear it.”
And it seems to me that it's relatively easier than when you have to confront the thing all alone.
If you can... when the attack comes, if you can cling to something that knows, or to something in you that has had the experience, and if you can hold onto that memory, even if it is only a memory, and cling to that in spite of all that denies and revolts... Above all not... To keep your head as still as possible. And not follow the movement, not succumb to the vibration.
Because from what I have seen and from what I was told, I am sure that it is decisive, that what is offered to you is the possibility of a decisive victory, which means that it will no longer recur in the same way.
There is such an abyss between what one truly is and what we are that at times it is dizzying. But one must not let oneself become dizzy. One must not yield. One must remain like a rock until it passes.
1 Karma: positive (or negative) consequences of actions performed in past lives (every action is endowed with a self-perpetuating dynamism).
2 A temple-island in southern India where Satprem became a sannyasi.