August 7, 1958
It is very difficult to manage both at the same time: the transformation of the body and taking care of people. But what can I do? I told Sri Aurobindo I would do the work, and I am doing it – I cannot just abandon everything.
When I think of the time the hatha yogis devote to the work on the body – they do nothing but that; they do nothing but that all the time, until they have attained a certain point. This is in fact the reason why Sri Aurobindo wanted none of it: he found that it took a lot of time for a rather meager result.
Day and night, I am investigating all that has to be transformed... I can assure you that there is plenty of work!
Last night, I had many dreams (not really dreams, but...); I used to find them very interesting because they gave me certain indications, all kinds of things, but when I saw it all now, I said to myself, “Good Lord! What a waste of time! Instead, I could be living in a supramental consciousness and seeing things.” So during the night, I made a resolution to change all this too. My nights have to change. I am already changing my days; now my nights have to change. But then all this subconscious in Matter, all this, it all has to change! There's no choice, it has to be seen to.
Once you set to this work, it is such a formidable task! But what can I do?